There was nothing special about the day I decided to take the first step to be known.
I was teaching school, standing in the car line rocking my pregnant belly. My life was falling down around me like an avalanche. Everyone else was laughing, smiling like nothing was wrong. I couldn’t take it anymore. Trembling in expectation of what might cascade down on me next, I asked one of my coworkers from my church if she would come to my classroom.
I didn’t know what she would say or do in that moment. I just knew I couldn’t hold it all up anymore.
Once there, I immediately told her how horrible my husband was. I rattled off all the things he had said and done to break my heart. I told her he needed help. He needed to lead us.
What she told me next, shaped my life and my perspective on the fight before me.
“Rebekah, this really isn’t about what your husband chooses to do. This is about you and God. What your husband does is not the point. The point is, God is in control. Whether your husband chooses to stay or to go, you are still going to be okay.”
She said it. God is in control. Not me.
If we were honest, I think there is someone in each of our stories that we allow ourselves to blame, wasting up the energy intended for our own healing.
In my darkest moments, I reminded myself hour-by-hour and even second by second that God has brought me this far and He wouldn’t leave me now. Some mornings I would wake up and pray, “Lord, I don’t think I can breathe in and out today. I am so weak, please be my strength.” Desperation was my constant cry for Him to go before me and conquer all the emotions I wasn’t sure I could survive.
The reasons for our pain might be different, but the way it feels probably isn’t too different at all. Friends, there is good news. There is purpose in the pain. While there is no shortcut to find the purpose, the pain will transform you— if you will let it.
The first step is to start the conversation. Is there something in your life that you don’t want to be seen?
Oftentimes, it’s the painful things spoken free that become the catalyst towards our greatest purpose.