When I met you, there were lots of things I didn’t know. In my naive mind, I thought I could picture our life together; but knowing you is way more than I bargained for. My heart and mind could have never planned for this.
I didn’t know…
- You would sit by me, make me laugh and we would fall in love so quick.
- You would tell me a short month later, “It’s not about me, and it’s not about you. This is about the generations before us and the generations to come. This is about what we will build. As long as there has been a world, there has been a me and you.”
- You would pawn a guitar to buy me a ring, and propose by giving me a Bible with my name inscribed on the front with your last name. It was the first time I saw the words, “Rebekah Bullard.”
- We would have so much fun in our first year of marriage, especially because we didn’t have cable or internet. We lived off a country road with a gravel driveway and every time I saw you saw driving up, my heart would skip a beat.
- The way you would support me in those first years of being a teacher in building a classroom, and that you would be so good at bulletin boards.
- How, during year two, we would start to drift apart. Old habits and hurts would build a wall so high our lives would begin to quickly separate.
- I would struggle so much with being vulnerable with you at the first sign of distress.
- At home, I would acknowledge it was bad between us; but in public I would still project a fairy tale.
- That it would be so hard to talk about.
- We would buy a house. (Because when your marriage is falling apart, buying a house is a timely Band-Aid.)
- I would get sick of pretending and risk the shame of shattering our perfect image by finally asking for help.
- People would actually help us. I didn’t have to carry to weight of the world on my shoulders and “be good enough” to fix us.
- In the middle of deciding how to rebuild, the surprise of our lives would come….We found out we were having a baby!
- Years 3-5 still would be so hard.
- That those years would lead to so much good song writing on your part later down the road.
- We would fight acres of hell to keep our marriage in tact.
- When I would beg you to leave, you didn’t.
- Our pain of staying the same would become so great, that we would decide to fight the pain of change.
- That I wouldn’t wish what we went through on my worst enemy, but I would go through it again to get to where we are now.
- After years of not being sure if we would make it, you fought, doing the hard work to get healthy.
- I would see you transform and begin to lead us again.
- I was not a fool to be a part of your redemption.
- You were not a fool to be a part of mine.
- So many people prayed prayers of strength and commitment for us.
- We would celebrate our daughter’s birthdays and holidays together and realize it as a rare and precious gift.
- I could experience so much joy and freedom birthed from the hard work ignited after so much pain.
- God would answer our prayers and we would move across the country to chase the dreams of our youth.
- We would be baptized together on our 7 year anniversary.
- We would do so much important and impactful ministry together.
- You would help me have the confidence to take risks in my leadership.
- I would watch you grow into the full potential of the man God created you to be.
- I would watch you push past your limits in your gifts and talents in music and give so much hope to others.
- You would learn to cook.
- I would get to support you in living your dream.
- You would champion me in living mine.
- We would still choose every day to not back down, even when it gets hard.
- I would continue to fall in love with you with a new level of depth with every passing year.
- You would be such a phenomenal dad.
- You would cherish me so well with your words and actions.
- You could still make me feel like that college girl you first met every time you take me on a date.
- We would work together towards our dreams with more tenacity, sacrifice, support for one another and passion than I ever thought we would be capable.
I feel so limited to put words to the life we have built over the past 10 years. What I didn’t know about us is far greater of a story.
Now I know what you meant…“It’s not about me, and it’s not about you. This is about the generations before us and the generations to come. This is about what we will build. As long as there has been a world, there has been a me and you.”
09.09.05 – forever